I’m wondering about past lives today. I remember some of mine. I’m so curious if other folks remember theirs. My most recent life was pretty bad. It was in Germany, where I was a Jewish nurse. I was captured by the Nazis and made to work as a nurse at Block 10 in Auschwitz. It was the worst life ever.
I used to freak out as a child thinking I was still there. I would slam my body into the walls as a three-year-old. My parents knew then there was a very strange thing, worse than autism going on. It was horrific, like a waking night terror. I thought I was still Helga and I wanted to kill myself again. It was so confusing. My mom thought maybe she was crazy when I typed all this at the age of six, but she held steady in her faith in facilitated communication.
Then, years later at a conference in Denver, I had a meltdown during the keynote address and a stranger from New York came forward and offered my mom her hotel room for me to calm down. We went in the elevator and the stranger grabbed my letter board and started typing with me. I typed the same story for the stranger facilitating my typing in the elevator. My mom knew then it must be a true story, or at least one I believed with all my heart. It gave her chills.
I was also aware of another past life when our family drove our RV to New Orleans. I never used to get out of the car to explore anything, but I was really comfortable in the French Quarter and walked all around with the family. It blew their minds that I did that. Later, we were going to tour the graveyard, and I refused and told my mom I was buried with my family in the cemetery wall.
My dad, the eternally wonderful support unit, took me back to the RV and my mom and bro went on the tour. The next day, I picked up the letter board and told my mom I needed to visit the asylum. My mom sat next to me in the RV and started searching New Orleans asylums. A bunch of different old photos came up, and she scrolled until I saw the giant, pink building called St. Anna’s Asylum. I told them that was it, let’s go, I have to save my friends!
My family discovered it was still standing, so with some urgency we went there. I was so worried about my friends who still needed me. We drove there and I saw it. Again, I was anxious to get out of the car and I walked back and forth looking anxiously at the building until I was sure my friends weren’t there. The building was being renovated for luxury condominiums. It was too strange for me; I couldn’t work out where my friends were, and I was surprised, but once I realized they weren’t there anymore, I was ready to leave.
I was Violet in that past life, a woman with three children widowed by the Yellow Fever and sheltered with other families during those yellow fever times. The asylum was more of a shelter for widowed families during the fever, and we stayed there. I didn’t understand. I thought that past life was still active. My parents had to explain how time works in a linear fashion here, so I thought about that and realized that it had been in another time period. That freed me from always being Helga or Violet, and helped me leave them behind. It was a strange autism thing, misunderstanding time.
I also remember being an American native indigenous person, a Ute Indian in the Colorado mountains. It was the best life ever. We were free then to dream in the forest of life; to see the stars through sacred eyes; to be the forest and the animals; and to love life in the wild.
There are other lives, too, of course, but these were the most recent that I vividly recall. I wonder if others ever have memories of other lives. If you do, I hope you will tell me. I’m so curious how to engulf this knowledge properly. I feel that my karmic plight is heavy because of Auschwitz and Helga. I hurt so many children. I once told my mom that’s why I had to be autistic in this life. She couldn’t talk me out of it.
Today, I’m aware of my many advantages now as Darcy, and I no longer feel the need to suffer from those lives. I have learned who I am here, in this time frame, and I’m so happy to be here to help as many people as I can. I say now, no matter who you used to be, and no matter how deep the memories, you can eventually understand what you learn if you are willing to try. I hope that I have many more lives of a higher order as our species evolves.